Location: Western Africa
Capital: Abuja (largest city is Lagos)
Population: 138,283,240
Ethnic Groups: Hausa and Fulani 29%, Yoruba 21%, Igbo 18%,
Ija...ah, fuck it,they're all just a bunch of coons anyway!
Main Industries: Petroleum, 419 scams, ripping off missionaries
Population below poverty line: 70% (that's all?)
GDP (Total): $191.4 billion (ranked 47th)
GDP (Per Capita): $1,500 (ranked 165th)
Take a bunch of savage apes, colonize them, draw some arbitrary borders around them, call it a country and then give it its independence. What do you have? Fucking Nigeria. The flaming train wreck now known as Nigeria, (moar like Niggeria, amirite?) was the home of the Nok coons around the time of Egyptian civilization. Over the centuries, other tribes of savages came to inhabit the area, such as the Kano, Katsina, Hausa and Yoruba. The southern part of the country was mostly inhabited by the Igbo, possibly starting around the 11th century AD. None of these cultures produced anything of note, other than some crappy sculptures and maybe some spears and assorted junk.
The Portuguese were the first to explore what is now Nigeria, but eventually the British took over, starting in 1885. In 1960, the British said "Fuck this sheeet!!" and gave Niggeria its independence. Things would steadily go downhill from there. The Igbos in the southern part of the country decided to secede, sparking the Biafran War, which began in 1967 when the ape government attacked the newly independent Republic of Biafra. The TNB which occured during this war horrified the entire world. Pictures of starving Biafran children saddened gullible humans the world over. The war ended in 1970, with Biafra defeated and re-annexed to Nigeria. Most human nations decided to support Nigeria (both the US and USSR did), mostly because they wanted to make sure they could continue to get Nigeria's delicious petroleum.
Your typical Nigerian ape.
The last four decades since the war have been characterized by appalling economic mismanagement (despite Nigeria having gigantic oil reserves which generate billions of dollars), extremely repressive governments and military dictatorships, bloody fighting between ethnic and religious groups (the north is largely Muslim), violence, crime, disease and general monkeyshines. Speaking of which, a fellow Chimpout member, I_lubs_me_sum_jenkem, has been to Nigeria and was kind enough to share a horrifying story of coontact from when he and his missionary family arrived at the airport in the "city" of Lagos:
When we arrived in Lagos, we were separated from the other passengers, our belongings were rifled through, and were were told to be quiet about everything. We had cameras, watches, gifts, Id's, medicines, passports, rings and jewelry confiscated. And they were NOT nice about how they took the things. They put everything into a bin and took it in the back to look for "contraband".
Meanwhile we were not allowed to leave the holding area. Not even allowed to use the bathroom or get a drink of water. We tried protesting but when they had machine guns, and we didn't it was a bit futile. After about an hour they came back out, grabbed all of our luggage and took it into the back. Now we were starting to get angry and curious. After another hour (maybe), they came back and told us they wanted $5,000 American CASH to get our things back. If we didn't pay, we would not be allowed to enter the country and would be put in jail for smuggling.
My father demanded that we be allowed to call the embassy, and surprisingly they allowed it. My father explained the situation and they sent someone down. Now, we have been in the airport holding rooms for probably 4 hours at this point and we were NOT happy. My mom and sister had started their periods and were in desperate need of using the facilities, but that wasn't allowed. Fucking animals made them change right there in plain sight of everyone. By the time our liaison came down from the embassy and got to us, we were exhausted and pissed off. He got some of our stuff back, and none of our money back. It was the price we paid for going there and trying to help them. We lost cameras, watches and jewelry and cash, and we hadn't stepped outside the airport yet.
Other comments I_lubs_me_sum_jenkem contributed regarding general conditions in this Afreakan hellhole:
The food in Nigeria is DISGUSTING. Sanitation is almost non existent, and washing dishes, pots, pans, etc., meant drawing water and throwing everything into a plastic tub and wiping it down. No hot water, no soap, no rinsing. A great recipe for all kinds of diseases being spread...
Ick.
Also during the recent Beijing Olympics, Niggerian athletes provided many lulz, such as when their sheboon weightlifter cracked under the pressure and walked away from a barbell in tears, and when the dumbass track and field relay team dropped a baton in mid-race (this, however, was overshadowed by the nigger American team doing the same thing at almost the same time). Nigeria is also well-known as being the capital of 419 scams, in which some ape will send spam e-mail proposing some business deal in which the recipient can make tons of dough...if he'll only send a bunch of money to Monkeyland first. Some smart humans have turned the tables on the scamming niggers and made them humilliate themselves with promises of money they will never get. See the excellent site 419eater.com for some pictures of nigger pwnage.
In conclusion, Nigeria is a lot like basically any other nigger coontry; scary, filthy, violent and dysfunctional. Avoid at all costs.
